Happy Friday Readers!
I am so thankful for the end of the week, it’s been a bit frustrating the past few days in some aspects. I even sort of raged out the other day, after hitting multiple brick walls in my attempts to work out a press release for the book, BUT I managed to find something on Fiverr that should help me push through the obstacles I’m currently facing. I was able to redirect my frustrations into a fuel to keep pushing forward and find my goal more effectively. (Instead of giving into the impulse to chuck my laptop at the nearest wall and watching it shatter…which would have ended all of the goals… it was a hard temptation to work through for a moment, I’ll tell ya that.)
Anyway, enough about my She Hulk tendencies…we’re here today to talk about why I’m using a pen name for pretty much everything I share.
So, while I am proud of my work and love to share my experiences with you, I’m still terrified of putting myself out there. I have struggled with insecurity my entire life (and I’m just one of the many out there), and while I wanted to start something meaningful that positively influenced other people, I couldn’t get over that obstacle for a long time. I mean, I’ve wanted to do this since I first became really frustrated with the conviction in 09 (long before I found out everything I know now). Of course, I wouldn’t have been quite as helpful or knowledgeable as I am now, but I would have been sharing more of my early struggles and frustrations and connecting with more people in the same boat.
Some of you are probably shouting, but it’s the internet! You can be anonymous! Yes, I realize that, but I sort of backed away from it initially. I’ve always prided myself on honesty, and by using a fake name, I felt I would be going against a part of me that mattered to me and was one of my own keys to re-entering society. Eventually, my need to do something with the information I had found overcame my need to maintain a sense of a more idealized honesty. I discovered that many people in the same boat as me had absolutely no idea that they had options in their lives that would make it possible to live more fully, regardless of their past.
I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing other than improve my own conditions in life. I had to make myself reach out and put a part of me out there if there was the slightest chance of helping someone else that was struggling. I chose the name Aza Enigma because I think it flows pretty well, and it combines a sort of magical element with a puzzling element. Literally, enigma means puzzle. No, it isn’t a challenge to find me out. I really didn’t try that hard to keep my real self a secret, and some of the groups I’m in on social media are aware of my real identity. I just needed a sort of social blanket that allowed me to hide while in plain sight. Regardless, it has allowed me to be confident enough to put my goals into action. It’s certainly better than not doing anything at all. So, to all my fellow insecure people out there, there is always a way to overcome the obstacles we face, we just have to find what works for us.
Stay strong, stay positive, and rise above!